Preparing for a psychological marriage by Dr. Pradnya Ajinkya

Case: Love bloomed between Sukhi and Ben. They exchanged feelings online,  messages, videos, love poems and songs. They seem to be having a terrific time together. They are instantly impressed by each other."I have met the woman of my dreams," .... Ben. "I can't drag my feet with real love," .... Sukhi. They leap into their feelings like there's no tomorrow. They have a desperate and fateful urge to make this feeling permanent. The couple express their intention to marry immediately. They feel marriage is the guarantor of their happiness they are enjoying together. It will make permanent what might otherwise be fleeting. They want to bottle their joy. After seven years of their marriage and with two kids they feel they have bottled the wrong ingredient of joy. 


Therapist: I am sure couples marry to make their feelings permanent. However, there is no causal necessary connection between marriage and this sort of feeling. The feeling was produced online, a time of the day, lack of work, an excitement over love poems, videos and messages. Getting married has no power to keep a relationship at this beautiful stage. Marriage is not in command of the ingredients of our happiness. Marriage can decisively move the relationship on to other different moments like into living together in the same house, a long commute, children, etc. The only common ingredients are the partners. Partners in the marriage face immense challenges while they live together. Given that, when one is in love one feels one has already beaten far more extraordinary odds. With such a winning streak, the gamble of marrying a person seems entirely containable. However, in this case, peaks of life tend to be brief and happiness does not come in year-long-blocks and the partners are frustrated.

Being ready to appreciate isolated moments of everyday paradise whenever they come our way, without making the mistake of thinking them permanent, and the need to turn them into genuine feelings can encourage the emotional growth statistics and reduce the turbulence in the love life.

Comments

  1. May be the attraction and infatuation may be on the first site of love and affection. This case describes the consequences of such superficial relationships. Thank you doctor once again for a descriptive case study on marriage and relationships.

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