#Mentalhealth - When you've been hurt By Dr. Pradnya Ajinkya

2012 : For Grace this moment of being away from her parents and studying abroad was a journey of self discovery and progress on. Her parents encouraged her to never be afraid to embrace newness and happily witness it unravel. "You will always be in our thoughts and prayers, wherever you are, whatever you do...." her parents said. She confidently marched ahead, head held high... She believed in herself and the test of each moment. She was a very loving and selfless person and shared all the sweetness from within her. She majored in Economics and was nominated for an award saying she was hard worker and pleasure to be around. She completes all her work in a timely manner and always brings positive attitude to her environment. We are excited to see what her future holds? They were extremely proud of Grace. Her focus and emphasis on doing well in the classroom and outside was a great example. Her friends believed in her and they wanted to last with her for a lifetime. 

2016 :  Madam, It is though I am fearful and scanning a desert with a pair of binoculars. I feel very isolated and decayed. I can see all kinds of devastation ahead of me. Why did I begin that journey? The one reason why I got into this relationship was because I watched my parents marriage, and I was sure I knew I could keep one together. Our marriage was scheduled to be held coming December. One evening when I came back from work and met Sam coming out of the door with a suitcase, I did not realise that he was leaving me. I have not seen him since! It is 11 months now. I can't say he was unfaithful. We were so focussed on our careers. He does not communicate even by email or messages and his phones are on an answering machine now. My neighbours told me that they heard sounds of some strangers arguing in my home while I was away at work. They heard some crash and scream. A lady with a little girl child and police officers were seen leaving from the home.....

1] Is there anything that can be done to ensure that Sam is safe?

2] Did he stray Madam because of sex?

3] Is it cheating or a sign of a deeper problem?

4] I am not able to handle this.............

5] I don't want to lose Sam. To think of him makes me cry to this day.

6] Since his leaving, I have inevitably found myself in conversation with many other similar cases. They tell their tales with an oddly matter-of-fact air.  

7] I remember one evening he sat down to tell me something important. He was beginning to say, "I am sorry..." but he got busy on a call... Something fatal must have happened. In my relationship with Sam, I had experienced emotions and possibilities I never knew existed. Never mind whether my relationship with Sam continued or not, I know I will never feel the same again and about what a marriage could be with someone other than Sam.... 

8] How can I accept that my central relationship is dead?

Therapist

Experiencing any kind of loss  and finding yourself in this state can completely turn your life upside down. You can keep blaming but the reality is that the closeness and daily interaction in your relationship that once made sense, no longer does. In a partnership you may have dreamt of bigger homes, shared the financial burdens, enjoyed evenings together, read out life stories to each other, and a lot more. Hence the pain feels unbearable, and you are suddenly thrust into an unfamiliar territory. You were not aware that a sudden separation was near and you are never mentally and emotionally ready for this type of life. People with whom you discuss may not know what to say and how to approach the problem. No getting isolated in any manner is important. You should find and adopt practical tools and nurture yourself as an immediate help and timely solution. Learn to honor this void and gather comfort and strength. Find a new passion while you reclaim the existing one. Join a group of people with strength and purpose. Your sorrows can make it difficult to eat and stay hydrated. Avoid gravitating towards unhealthy passions. Drink plenty of water, take long walks and also find some joyful time in a park where you see all age groups of people. It will help you to adjust with different kinds of people and age groups. When you take care of yourself physically, this also will affect your mental and emotional state. If you are having difficulty getting in or out of bed, ask a trusted member to help you in accomplishing the self-care acts. This is considered a huge step towards healing and you deserve it. 

It's an open secret : He left to save his life. Ironically, in an ideal situation whether you are preparing to leave, or threatened to leave,  it's good to write in a small note, if you have difficulty in talking with your partner, and do some planning, before leaving.....  And finally you can't wait for someone to come back. 

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