Sunday, February 12, 2017

#RELATIONSHIP MINDSETS Trying to talk himself out of trouble By Dr. Pradnya Ajinkya


1] She can trigger me. I am so scared. I never want to be so weak. 

2] I lost it Ma'am. I was already walking the edge. 

3] I know implicitly that she doesn't consider me. It demeans me. See where it has led me. 

4] She believes that she is the epitome of a perfect celebrity who can really never make any mistakes and says and does the right things. 

5] She loads wholly on me. Where do I go? 

6] Fifteen years back, I would have said, 'it can't happen to me.'  

7] Though I recognize her core, I can't deal with this. She makes me helpless. 

8] She breathes in the same statements. I am not in any mental situation to answer her queries. 

9] I was appauled beyond measure on Saturday. She attacked me verbally. She went into a rant, rant and rant. It went on for 6 hours.

10] Her words are really bad and cruel. Dear Ma'am she represents what my demon is.

11] She leads me to believe that I can never change. She cannot find "variability" in my behavior.

12] Then she withdraws and after a while interacts with me and again threatens to leave me. And I see myself in the same mess each time. Ma'am, please help me to find myself.

13] She doesn't care about what I am going through. She doesn't care about what makes me accept her. I don't know her limit of satisfaction.

14] I need an anchor. I can't anchor myself. I am one person. I want to get into a situation where no one can ever break me. Now I have decided to live in my own cylinder.  

15] Her curing is a different matter. I doubt if she is a candidate for counselling? She can't take feedbacks. 

16] I am here with you Ma'am because I don't want to get exploited and don't want to exploit. 

17] She counters that I am a frightened mouse and that I am throwing the blame on her because I am not man enough to take the heat. 

18] She monitors my every move. We separated from each other +yesterday.

19] Let me ask you, 'what might lead her to withdraw and then interact?'

Therapist

1] They have talked marriage, but are not engaged yet and have no plans to be. 

2] Cycling in an on-again-off-again relationship, their relationship is fraught with distress.

3] Relationship cycling can ruin the health of the members in the relationship.

4] It is believed that the vicious verbal attack happened on  Saturday. The man is helpless and cannot stop the domineering episode. 

5] This leads to two very important questions  : 

a] Does a man ever have the right to tell a woman to not push words on him and expect her to respect that? 

b] To stop inflicting further harm by inducing shame through blame. 

6] This can help victims achieve justice and will hopefully instigate cultural change around this lesser-known side of domestic abuse.

7] In a healthy relationship equality is present and they accept that their partner will also have their own needs. 

8] If you are frightened and worried because you are controlled and you have to give up on the things that are important to you and there is no consideration that you are upset, that's where the line is. 

9] It took a long time for Raghav to recognise that the nice behaviour and abusive behaviour are both a conscious decision.

10] The couple fell in love and it was very romantic to begin with or at least it seemed that way. She slowly began monitoring his every move. As time went on things continued to get worse and unpredictable and they separated from each other. 

11] Some relationships might persist being low in quality. Others might end. 

12] Just telling a man/woman that they are monitered can hurt their psychological performance.

13] It is important to step away from the major overhauls, pick yourself up and instead celebrate smaller wins toward small goals. 

14] Breaking free from an unhappy relationship is no easy task. It is certainly a set back. Professional counsellors also advise to stop and think and then allow yourself to really focus on what you want to accomplish the most and slowly you can always add more.

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